Optimise Issue 9, from FirstFound

The 2012 Hall of Shame
4 Terrible Predictions about 2012

Thanks to a reshuffle in the Optimise schedule, this is our very first issue of 2012; year of the London Olympic Games and, on 20/12/2012, the apocalypse predicted by the Mayan civilisation.

We don’t know about you, but we’re almost certain that that last prediction won’t come true, because the Mayan conspiracy theory is all hokum. But while ancient Southern American civilisations might have been the first to make incorrect predictions about this year, they weren’t the last. As Optimise’s Hall of Shame 2012 illustrates:

1) We’d be Holidaying on Mars (NASA)

Back in the 60’s and 70’s, going to the moon was all the rage. So there’s no wonder that NASA thought the next step would be the Red Planet. Unfortunately, despite predictions that Mars bases would be set up by the early 21st Century, we’re still stuck with holidays in the Costa del Sol.

The reality: Cheap flights mean you can spend a weekend in a foreign destination of your choice. Although it might not be on the same continent as your luggage.

2) Flying Cars (Every Sci-Fi Film of the 80’s)

Back to the Future was set in 2015. There were flying cars. Blade Runner was set in 2019. There were flying cars. You think that means that we’d at least have a working prototype flying car to stare at in 2012! Alas, we’re all stuck to the road. For now, at least.

The reality: Petrol prices are on the rise, so it’s fair to say that even if flying cars were real, we’d have a bit of trouble paying for all the jet fuel we’d need.

3) Bomb Shelters are the Must Have Accessory for 2012 (Robert Vicino, Bomb Shelter Salesman)

In May 2010, businessman Robert Vicino claimed that bomb shelters would make a comeback in 2012, thanks to everyone worrying about wars, asteroid impact, terrorism, floods and suchlike. In fact, he was so confident that he started selling $10m timeshares in his “Doomsday Shelters”. It’s not made him as rich as he originally predicted…

The reality: Well, do you have a bomb shelter?

4) The London Olympics Will Introduce Bricklaying (Optimise)

Back in January 2011, a widely respected online publication made a snide comment about the London Olympic games being so far from completion that we’d spend summer watching synchronised track building. Looks like everything’s on time though, doesn’t it?

The reality: Boy, are our faces red? In our defence though, we did get it right about the X Factor winner being a 20-something with a sob story. So let’s call it a draw?

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